My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
