i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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