apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
