I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
