The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
