If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We are two peas in an std pod
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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