it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
