I puked a lego.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
