I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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