just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
