I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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