This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
