Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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