Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
