So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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