She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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