4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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