I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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