If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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