where am i from again
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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