Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
