We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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