There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
