uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
