OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
