can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
