Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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