Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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