i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
