I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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