I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
