I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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