Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize