put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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