i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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