i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
