Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
