i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
