you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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