just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
