K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
