HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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