He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize