Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
