a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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