Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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