Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
