I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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