i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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