turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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