You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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