chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
