Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You ruined the universe
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
