Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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