it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
