I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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