Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
