Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i will never coherently bang her
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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