he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
