Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize