Just cropdusted the office
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
