why didn't you poke me back
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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