i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
