Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
