no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
