dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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