I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
