Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
