Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
