Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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