Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
