i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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