the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
