I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
