I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
