Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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