I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
