im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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